Thursday, October 11, 2012


How you feel when suddenly everything becomes too much.
Having to make all these decisions about my future, having to be certain about the decision that I am making without any support from my family, and throwing myself into the real world with no one to catch me. Just me.
I debated whether or not I would have the strength to share about the loss of my family member, but with the funeral today I feel like I need to express myself somehow, I've been so cut off from everyone. And for someone who is typically very expressive about how she feels, this is unusual for me.
A fellow Ed Zed recently felt the pain of a loss of a close family member, and who knew that it could happen to two of us in such close proximity.
I won't get into details, in fact I'd prefer not to, but death is such an overwhelming burden to bear. While you know now they are at peace, and you have no choice but to let them go, the grief that you hold in your heart and your mind makes every day life seem so futile; it makes you not want to get out of bed, not want to even try to make the usual things seem important anymore.
My future suddenly seems so much at risk; I don't know if I have what it takes to really carry on with all the following through it is going to take to make what I want to happen happen. Especially since I feel so alone.
I've never felt so alone. In my rational mind I know I am not the first person to suffer a tragic loss, yet somehow you feel like you are. Like no one can understand. Angsty of me, I know.
This is so hard.

No comments:

Post a Comment